Is it Lust or Love -- How to Tell the Difference
Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse lust for love. Physical attraction alone will not withstand the test of time in relationships. Physical attraction is an important factor but must never be the only factor you rely upon when choosing a mate. Many make the mistake of confusing lust and love and end up broken-hearted when the relationship doesn't last.
Perhaps you're wildly attracted to someone and thoughts of that person dominate your mind a good portion of the day and night. Perhaps you can't wait until the next time the two of you will be together again. When you are together you can't keep your hands off one another and when you're apart, you fantasize about the next time you can see one another. True love and lust are easily confused because they are so much alike.
As a rule of thumb, if you share few other interests and have nothing in common other than an overwhelming physical desire for one another...it may be lust. If you have nothing of real value to say to one another and have difficulty relating to one another outside the sexual arena...it may be lust. If you don't particularly enjoy one another's company unless you're having sex...it may be lust.
On the other hand, if your relationship is based on factors other than physical attraction and sex is not necessarily the number one priority...it may be love. Most long-term relationships are built on a strong friendship which turns into love over time. Having sex is not the driving force behind the relationship, but is a nice sideline to it.
There really is such a thing as "love at first sight". It happens to many people and the relationship may last for the rest of their lives. A budding relationship based on lust feels much the same as one which is truly "love at first sight". So how do you tell the difference?
Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question carefully and really think about it before answering. When answering, try to be as truthful as possible. If you can honestly and sincerely answer "yes" to all or nearly all of the questions, it may be safe to assume what you feel for the other person is actually love and not merely lust.
Keep in mind, these questions are quite general and are in no way a total and complete checklist.
1. Do you share similar ethics, values, and morals?
2. Do you find it easy to talk to one another and can you talk freely about almost anything?
3. Do you enjoy the time you spend with one another, regardless of the activity?
4. Do you enjoy even the most mundane activities when you are together, simply because you ARE together?
5. Do you have a genuine concern for the happiness, safety, and well-being of the other person?
6. Are you able to work out any differences you may have with this person to the satisfaction of both of you?
7. When disagreements arise, are you able to discuss them openly and frankly without losing your temper?
8. Do you find yourself longing for this person's presence in your life in terms other than a sexual relationship? In other words, do you feel a need simply to be with that person and spend time with them even without having sex?
9. Can you laugh together and at one another, share jokes, and generally have fun together?
10. Does spending time with this person make you feel good about yourself?
11. Does this person give you a heightened sense of self-confidence and vitality?
12. Can you look at this person even when they are at their worst in their physical appearance (such as when they are sick) and not feel repulsed?
13. Do you share a strong mutual respect for one another?
14. Are you willing and able to share both good times and bad with this person and work through life's ups and downs together as a team?
There is a very fine line between lust and love because the two of them are closely related. Being able to tell the difference can save you from wasting your time pursuing an unhealthy relationship which is doomed to eventual failure.
If your long-term goal is to seek out a partner with whom you can build a solid, lifetime commitment, knowing the difference between lust and love is an essential and vital skill you'll want to master. Learning to accept a relationship for what it really is can mean the difference between a broken heart and a happy, fulfilling, lifetime of bliss with your partner.
Copyright 2005 Deborah Willis All Rights Reserved
Deborah Willis is the author of ATTRACT WOMEN -- The Average Man's Guide to Attracting, Dating, Loving, and Maintaining Relationships with Women. For more down-to-earth advice for men visit ATTRACT WOMEN
This article may be freely reprinted as long as the article resource is left intact and there is a live link to the author's web site.
This RSS feed URL is deprecated, please update. New URLs can be found in the footers at https://news.google.com/news
'They tried to resist their urges but there was a connection!' Former The Apprentice candidates Harrison Jones and ... - Daily Mail
Dating Tips: The First Impression Matters
Ever had a love at first sight encounter? Totally captured by her beauty the first time you laid your eyes on her? Having sleepless nights thinking about her? That first impression she left with you was sure astonishing wasn't it?The first impression you give plays a very important part in the blooming of a love relationship. It determines the ever possibility of a development of the relationship.
When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love
Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic background, to find that no matter what you try, there just seems to be no spark or real passion occurring in the relationship? Are you just about ready to give up on finding a soul mate? Well before you lose all hope in the dating world, you may want to try exploring dating someone who comes from a different culture than you. Who knows, you may just discover that a multicultural relationship is what you need to discover that special spark you've been searching for.
Dating Tips: Creating The Perfect Atmosphere
Had you ever been in the situation where your heart suddenly beats so fast, losing your ability to think, having the sudden loss for words when seeing someone you admired? At that very moment, you were like frozen in time, lost into another world, a world so wonderful, so heavenly? Hmm? How's my description? Ha whatever, the fact is that at that very moment, you were totally defenseless. So defenseless that anything could have just hit you.
Mike's Dating Story
(Black Couch Tales)Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking a long drink of water, he slumped onto my black leather couch and sighed.
Creating a Great Online Dating Profile
First impressions are important, which is why it is essential to create an appealing, but honest profile of yourself. After all, this is the only information that a potential suitor has to go on initially and the decision on whether or not to contact you will be based upon what he or she reads in your profile.
The Joy Of Dating Again: Self-Empowering Keys
For some, the idea of dating again can be intimidating or even scary. For others, it means an experience full of expectations and adventures.
Probably you do have attitude, but what is it? Jaded, self-protective? Frightened? Is "scared to death" too strong?What you want, a plan to get there, and an attitude to match is vital for partnering success. Think about it: if you are sure that what you are doing won't work, chances are very good that you will be right.
Use The Power of Focus When You Want To Get A Date
The Importance of FocusPeople are always looking for ways to win over somebody they areinterested in. Often times when you lose the opportunity, it hasnothing to do with your ability to close.
Building Self Confidence
The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires patience and intelligent effort. There should be no straining, no anxiety, and no haste.
Cut Cupid Some Slack
Valentine's Day!What a great idea to set aside a day for remembering those we love. It's even more than just remembering; it's romancing.
Still Single for the Holidays? Lucky You!
Oh, no! Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year's Eve are coming, and you're still not dating anybody.The specter of enduring gatherings with relatives who harass you because you've failed to hook up trounces your hopes for peace and goodwill.
1 Step You Should Take to Alleviate Anxiety When Meeting Women
Has a similar scenario like this one ever happened to you before?You've met a pretty lady on a matcher maker website and you've both planned to hook up at a local coffee shop to meet in person for the first time. You're quite excited by this meet and greet as you think she is quite a hottie.
Dating Tips For Animal Lovers!
Did you know that experts say the way people treat their pets is indicative of how they'll treat you in a relationship? Minus the sex and relationship talk, having a pet is very similar to a romantic relationship. A pet needs to be cared for, fed, bathed and loved, just like it's human counter part.
How to Be a Great First Date
Okay, you've scored a date with a sexy somebody for Saturday night, and you're terrified you're going to blow it. Don't worry; if you follow these tips, you'll do just fine.
How To Choose a Dating Service
There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if not thousands, how do you even begin to decide where to register and start your online dating experience? You could just pick one at random, create a profile, and sit back and wait for the other members to beat a path to your email inbox. Who knows, you could get lucky and it might work out first time.
Internet Dating for Men
Over the past several years online dating has become very popular. Many men try this format of dating or meeting in an effort to meet someone special without the risk of face-to-face rejection.
How to Finally Approach the Women You Lust for
We've all been there. You have been meeting her accidentally in the hall for a long time and every night you go to sleep you dream about her, you've decided a 100 times that you will stop being a wussy and that you will call her out on a date, but the moment you see her your feet are cemented to the floor and your tongue is heavy as it were made of lead.
Oops, I Did It Again
Oops! I did it again!So you are licking your wounds. Your relationship came to a bad end.
Let Women Talk and Help
Women love to talk (just think of how long they talk on the telephone). Women like to help (just think of a typical "female" job: nurse, kindergarten teacher, geriatric nurse.
Dating Advice: Should You Play With Madness?
I have a friend with a big problem, a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can't figure out why.